How to Reduce Your Public Speaking Anxiety

public speaking anxietyPublic speaking anxiety is a real problem.  This is a guest post written by Ryan Rivera, I strongly recommend you check out his website at www.calmclinic.com.  Ryan Rivera suffered from severe anxiety, and public speaking only made it worse. He shares tips on reducing all anxiety on his site. As public speaking is one of the most anxiety generating activities we undertake, I thought it would be a great to let Ryan, an expert in anxiety, talk through his strategies.  Don’t forget counselling Manchester can help you with your anxiety too.

Back in my youth, it wasn’t just public speaking that caused me anxiety. I had anxiety sitting in a chair doing nothing, occupied by nothing by my own thoughts. So when it came to public speaking, it was more than just anxiety. It was terror. Public speaking was like standing in front of a firing squad, except I wanted them to fire so the entire experience would be over.

So it’s no wonder that when I started to combat my anxiety, one of the hardest fears to overcome was public speaking. It’s everyone’s fear, and it’s arguably one of the most problematic social phobias that exist in the world today.

What to Do to Reduce Your Public Speaking Anxiety

There’s some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that the best methods to reduce anxiety are relatively easy to understand. The bad news is that they are harder for people to implement, and often take time and dedication in order to reduce them completely.

Before the Big Day

  • Practice

I’m almost embarrassed to list this one, but let’s be honest, how much do you REALLY practice? Do you read your notecards one or two times? Do you practice one or two times all the way through the speech? I, myself, would read through the entire speech with an audience of someone I trust three times, and consider that a victory. But why three? That number is completely arbitrary. You can always practice more, and if you’re concerned about being nervous, you should. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll be with the entire speech, and the easier it will be for you to find your place if you get nervous/lost.

  • Relaxation Strategies

My personal favorite thing to do before a speech is to integrate relaxation strategies. I remember I had to give this large speech in front of an audience of potential clients for a project I was working on, and a few days before the speech began I started to feel unspeakably nervous. So I decided to integrate my relaxation techniques. My own personal techniques were to use autogenic training and deep breathing (two well-known relaxation strategies). Both take only a few minutes. I also found skipping stones to be soothing, so I head to a nearby park to skip stones. There are plenty of pre-made relaxation strategies, but if you find something that relaxes you (that is healthy for your mind and body), you should use it.

  • Sleep Well

Physical anxiety can actually lead to real anxiety. I’ve done a good job controlling my anxiety over the course of my life, but if I don’t get a full night’s sleep, it still comes back once in a while. Always make sure you’re sleeping well before a big speech or presentation.

The Day of the Speech

One of the things I’ve found most interesting is that on the day of any presentation I almost always woke up feeling completely alert. It was like my body wanted me to be ready for the big day. But then, as usual, the fear started to creep in.

On the day of the speech, the best thing you can do is prepare everything you need. Make sure you’ve set up your physical space, and that all of the papers you need are in place. You should also eat a healthy meal, make sure you’ve had enough water, and continue any relaxation exercises you can complete as you prepare for the speech. The big day is already there, so the key is trying to avoid allowing the anxiety to increase its intensity too strongly.

During the Speech

Here’s a handy little tip I learned from two different public speaking appearances – always start strong. Public speaking involves a lot of rhythm, so you need to make sure you start your speech loud and clear. My tendency when I was suffering from more anxiety was to start quietly and hope I felt more comfortable over time. That never works. Start loud, like you’re ready to deliver the speech and you’re more likely to get into the rhythm.

After the Speech

For those with fear of public speaking, the biggest problem isn’t always before the speech – it’s after. You spend the next hour going over every “um” and trying to re-imagine the faces in the audience to see how bored or annoyed they were. But these types of negative thoughts only contribute to public speaking anxiety, and not only are they not helpful – they’re often not true, and had no effect on your speech.

So rather than focus on anything negative about your speech, take out a piece of paper and write about all of the things you went well. It doesn’t matter if you cried on stage from the fright – chances are there are aspects of the presentation you did very well, and you should focus on those, since in the long term those are the only aspects of public speaking that are important.

Also, continue to address any additional anxiety you have, especially if you have an anxiety disorder. I know that my anxiety outside of public speaking drastically influenced my public speaking anxiety, so in a way, combatting my everyday anxiety was contributing to my ability to speak.

Becoming a Great Public Speaker with low public speaking anxiety

You can’t expect to be a great public speaker overnight. But you can use the above tools to make public speaking easier and, over time, you’ll find that you no longer experience much public speaking anxiety at all.

 

Time To Change

time to changeYou have probably seen the latest government ”time to change” campaign to end discrimination that people who have mental health issues face in the workplace and in society in general. I say “the latest campaign”, but that suggests there have been others. If there have I’m afraid they passed by me unnoticed.

I’ve been offering therapy in Manchester now for some time and I’ve always thought we in the UK have had a bad attitude to mental health issues. The general “stiff upper lip” approach has been accepted as the norm in most areas of British Society. Unfortunately, this has led to people finding it difficult to get over the stigma of seeking help for mental health issues and suffering in silence, in some cases, for decades.

Our poor attitude to mental health.

If you fell over and broke your leg then you would take yourself to the hospital and receive medical attention, probably have a cast on for a while and then be right as rain. Can you imagine if you applied the same attitude that is shown to mental health issues like depression or stress to this physical condition?

“You don’t need to go to the hospital with that broken leg, pull yourself together – you’ll be alright in a few days!” or
“I can’t believe he has taken time off work just because his foot is facing the wrong direction. We’ve all had leg problems and most of us just get on with it.”

It sounds ridiculous when you apply it to such a physical ailment and it would be unbelievable for anyone to comment in such a way, so why do we do that with mental health issues?

Time To Change

I guess this is exactly what the “Time To Change” campaign is asking and I think, slowly, attitudes to mental health issues are changing for the better. I find it fascinating that when people discover that I’m a therapist, many of them “come out” as having had therapy themselves. Most of them tell me what a life saver it was for them and feel that it was an important part of their lives.

I find it interesting that the same people are a great deal more reluctant to discuss this with family or friends, and mentioning it to their work colleagues is an out and out no no.

Do Men Suffer Most?

Out of the two sexes I think men suffer from this problem the most. Us men have this idea that we need to “be strong”, especially around other men. Being seen to need help and support with mental health issues is tantamount to cashing in your masculinity for a frilly skirt and high heels. How badly we get things wrong at times!

I love Claude Steiner’s idea in “The Other Side of Power” that to be in touch with your feelings and to be able to express them appropriately is what makes us all truly powerful. To be able to seek help when we need it whether it’s for a broken leg, depression or stress is one important way we can look after ourselves. And it’s only by looking after ourselves that we can look after others. A fully functioning healthy adult is much more capable at serving loved one’s needs than someone with their own internal battles going on.

Time to Change Our Attitude To Mental Health

I fully support the governments “Time To Change” campaign. I would encourage all those (like me) who have had help with mental health issues to “come out” and talk about it openly. It’s time to change. Let’s start to break down this limiting belief that needing support for our mental health issues is some sign of weakness, because in my opinion, it’s the opposite. Those that have the presence of mind and the self-belief to do this are the strong ones. It’s time to change.

When Is The Best Time To Go To Couples Counselling?

emergency couples counselling I have offered couples counselling in Manchester for a long time now and I notice a very different way that people who want couples counselling contact me compared to individual clients.

Most individual clients make an enquiry when a situation has built up over some time and they no longer want to deal with the pain this causes. They want to change their life for the better and so they seek a counsellor or therapist to support them with the change they want to make. The feel of these enquiries is often considered and as if the individual is preparing to go on a journey of discovery.

Couples Counselling Call

Contrast this with the typical couples enquiry. Often one member of the couple contacts me and there is a real feeling of urgency. They often want to see me right now, no waiting around, as it is an emergency. They need fixing and it has to happen yesterday! It’s not uncommon for them to phone me without agreement from their partner and the appointment is later cancelled or not attended because the other partner refuses to come.

It makes sense to me that this is how couples counselling enquiries often are. It is easy to pretend that things will work out with your partner if you just keep trying and trying and many people are good at pretending that eventually things will turn out OK if you both just try one more time.

Unfortunately, if partners are not communicating effectively with each other then it’s easy for one partner to be putting a huge amount of effort in and the other partner quietly constructing an escape plan to exit the relationship. When that escape plan is put into action the call goes into the therapist and therapy is demanded RIGHT NOW!

Don’t Panic!

I’m not saying that therapy is a waste of time at this stage of the relationship breakdown. There may be hope, and if both partners are willing to do things differently couples counselling may work and the relationship can be saved. If one partner has decided to exit the relationship though there is often little that a therapist can do.

I tell you this not to depress you but to explain that the best time to go to couples counselling is before the relationship gets into dire straits. This way, neither partner has made decisions about exiting the relationship, both partners are more able to hear the other empathetically and real work can be done to improve the relationship, often to a deeper level than ever before.

What if you are in the “emergency” zone?

If you fall into the “emergency” category I would still encourage you to contact a good therapist with training and experience of working with couples. The therapist will be able to facilitate a proper, honest discussion between you and your partner.

When I work with clients who are in this position (and I have worked with a many, many of them) I teach the Imago Dialogue process first, which means that both partners get a chance to talk to the other honestly and the other is able to listen fully and truly hear what their partner has to say. This in itself can make a huge amount of difference. There is usually one partner who does the talking and often dominates the conversation whilst the other listens, withdraws and figures things out by themselves as they feel that they will be bulldozed if they speak. This is not allowed in my consulting room. Both partners will speak and both partners will listen, it’s just how the Imago Dialogue process works. My job is to keep both partners safe.

As Imago Relationship Therapy is about emphasizing the positives as well as addressing the negatives in the relationship I will encourage the couple to talk about the great things in their relationship and things they will really miss if they do decide to break up. This often has the effect of reminding both partners what they love about each other and increases the chance they will stay together. The events of the past can be put into context and long-term thinking can begin.

Call me for couples counselling

If you need help in your relationship and you want to work with a therapist who has had specific training to work with couples (which, I have to say is rare) then you can contact me on 07966 390857 or use my contact form on this website to see if there are any couples counselling spaces available.

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Manchester Psychotherapy. Counselling in Cheadle Hulme, Stockport. Close to Didsbury, Chorlton, South Manchester. Ring 07966 390857 for an appointment.
Manchester Psychotherapy 11a Ladybridge Road, Room 3 Cheadle Hulme Stockport SK8 5LL United Kingdom